Addiction

Is it possible to get really addicted to the www? Or even to the search through the blogs of the globalized world to find something that might be similar to yours. Could it be even more compulsive than television? (…)

 

Silence – Stille

Die Stille befällt einen, wenn man nicht daran glaubt, dass sie anwesend ist, aber sie ist da, jetzt und hier. Man kann sie nicht mehr loswerden. Sie wächst in einem wie das Kind im Mutterleib. Sie bleibt da, bis man sie hinaus gestoßen hat. Doch im Gegensatz zu dem Kind, welches nach rund neun Monaten den Ausgang findet, bleibt sie manchmal für länger. Wie lange noch? Immer? Man weiß es nicht. Ist es die Ratlosigkeit, die dieser Stille Nahrung gibt oder ist es die Zeit, in der man lebt. Darf man sich fragen, weswegen man lebt. Sollte man nicht mit dem, was man hat – dem Leben – zufrieden sein? (…)

 

Nothing to say … nothing left

Since two weeks I’ve finished my exams and now I’m off all my study-duties and I feel a kind of good but at the same time I can sense something is wrong with me. It’s not due to the fact that I’ve finished, it is more or less the perspective of being free. But free for what? Am I free for my own choice? Do I have the opportunity to live like I want now? Or do I have to follow the way of so many other people that had to make this decision before? One thing is for real:  I’ve decided to wait another year for whatever will come. I’m not sure what will reach me but I will hopefully find out what I actually want for my life. It’s a weird feeling not to know exactly what one would like to do with his or her life. Since I’ve been 9 or 10 I have known what I wanted to achieve in my life and for sure all my dreams and aims changed with the surroundings and were reviewed. But now everything seems to be so useless. Nothing is left to do. Only the bearable thing called the JOB is helping to survive but should that be life until its final days? Is there nothing more than this? Is there anything one can do without feeling guilty for some reason? I mean are there ideas of life without living the life that supposed to be ours? (…)

 

Why do I doubt?

… and now the time has come. I got the things that I was dreaming of and I have started preparing my other, dreamlike but hopefully new life. I was going abroad once before, actually two years ago, but this time it seems to be completely different. I will leave for more than twelve months, I will leave to a different country for almost a decade of my lifetime. I begin to ask myself if it is really the right decision. Shall I really follow my dreams? Do I have the strength to do it? I start doubting the things I was fighting for the last two years. Why do I doubt now? (…)

 

Samstags um halb acht

Jedes Mal wenn ich zum Sport gehe, fühle ich mich besser. Seit dem ich drei Jahre alt war, habe ich Sport gemacht und jetzt, nachdem ich zwei Knieoperationen überstanden habe, die mir der Leistungsport eingebracht hat, genieße die Möglichkeit des Bewegens umso mehr. Sport ist ebenso lebensnotwendig für mich wie das Atmen. Leider weiß ich auch, dass ich nicht mehr in der Lage bin, mich wie mit 17 auf dem Sportplatz oder in einer Sporthalle zu verausgaben, aber wer kann das schon von sich behaupten. (…)

 

The scent of yesterdays

You are walking along the sidewalk, thinking about the beauty of the sun and about the power that can be evoked by the smallest sunlight, inhaling the odor of a passing pedestrian. Until now you did not realize how profound and captivating smell can be. (…)

Saturday morning at eight thirty

Going to the gym makes me feel better about myself. Since I’ve been three years old I’ve done sports and now, after two serious operations due to competitive sport, I enjoy it even more. Being able to move is for me like breathing air. I know I can’t run like if I would be 17 anymore but who could anyway. Sport is still the thing that makes my life better and makes me confident about my decisions. It has always been my first unconscious acknowledgment of my abilities. I’ve made quite some choices until now and I have to admit that I’m still surprised about my intensity with which I followed my aims. Now it seems like that I will get the results of my endurance and I’m so lucky to be one out of thousand able to say that I will live in another way than my parents did. They wanted that we will live differently, whose parents doesn’t want that their kids will have a better, maybe different life, and they always helped us to achieve our goals and now it is the time to pay back our liabilities. (…)

The Heritage

A man lives with his wife in peace until his dad hangs himself. What will be his heritage? (…)