Everything starts with an educational leave to Malta. I noticed during my studies that I needed my English at a higher level than it was. Unfortunately I was done with all of my studies and there was no way out to study abroad. So I pondered and thought about how I could go overseas to the adored America. Finally I had an idea. I studied to be a teacher, I already babysat, and I went to summer camps with teenagers and younger kids. I asked myself, why I shouldn’t do an Aupair Year?
While I was writing my exam paper and preparing for the first oral exam, I was researching for my exchange year. For sure, I checked the Internet and I found lots of pages about cultural exchange. But then it occurred to me: I’m not 18 or 19 anymore. Can I still do the Aupair? I was 24 and what should an American do with an almost 25-year-old Aupair? Luckily, they needed this age too and I wasn’t the only one over 19. The whole process took half a year. I asked for invitations to different kinds of organizations and chose two out of ten: EF and ILS. They are two big companies, which are providing the exchange year as an Aupair and more. In the end, I decided for the first because of my own financial situation. In sum back then it was 150 Euros less expensive than the second and I couldn’t get more then 1300 Euros together. This price included program fees, “self interests”, deposit and insurance. On top of that came the money for the visa, membership card, and international driver’s license fees. Due to these facts, I already decided to apply only to one company instead of to two, because I was too afraid that I couldn’t decide later on. With the first letter from EF I got the name of a woman, who would help me to answer to the questions for the application and a number under which they had all my information. After I handed in all the papers (applications sheets, health papers…) they invited me to the first preparation meeting. At this first meeting I attended there were about 30 girls. We got an introduction and one ex-Aupair told us her story and we got more information. They checked our English level and I felt so ashamed because I couldn’t connect one sentence with the other. After my year in Vermont, Ingrid told me that they graded me in the highest level and that in general Ingrid and Woody were surprised that my English when I arrived. So, those were the first steps. Now, I had to wait for a match.
The period of Matching
What’s that? That’s the time when American families pick you, call you and decide if they want to spend the year with you. I had two other families on the phone and only the last family said finally “yes” to me and I to them. All offers were interesting. One family was living in California but they wanted somebody who had more babysitting hours with children in general and I definitely didn’t. The other family, I can’t remember exactly where they lived, but I can recall well enough that she was a teacher and the principal of an elementary school. I was very interested in that family but after the phone call and whether the question if I could come already in June, I had to refuse that offer. I couldn’t since I was still writing my exam paper and I wouldn’t have been done before August 5th. So I was a little bit sad and I waited for weeks to receive a new family offer. It seemed to me as if it was taking years but actually it only took some weeks until I opened my mailbox to find the new offer.
I read the application and the personal letter and I was happy. Then I went through the papers and wondered where Vermont could be located in the United States. I never actually had heard about this part ever. So I opened my atlas and checked where this state could be found. It was close to the New York State and with one end next to the border of Canada like the family described. They had a big family and the children I would have to care for were 2 and 3 1/2 years old at the time. Now I know that the kids of this age are called toddlers and that is definitely a difficult age. Like with the other families, I talked on the phone with the mother, Ingrid, and we were talking for about 45 minutes. I don’t know why I can remember that so well but I was surprised that I was actually able to talk in English for this time period and even more I was surprised that she understood me. So, we talked and in this moment I made the decision to be their Aupair. Despite the fact that I didn’t want to live in a rural countryside and the loneliness that would wait for me there, I took this decision as seriously as many other before. Finally almost 4 months before I would leave Germany I had my family and I was so excited about this future life that everything else could have vanished. But everything stayed the same as it was before until I left.
Going over the Atlantic
The departure day was September 5th and I knew inwardly that there would be complications. Indeed: the first flight was cancelled due to technical problems and I had another day before leaving. In this way I had two “good-byes” to my family and deep in my heart I was glad that I had the second chance to say good-bye. On one hand it was hard to leave the family and the past and the present of Germany but on the other hand I was looking forward to an unexpected life. During the whole flight, which took us 8 hours, I couldn’t sleep or do anything else other than thinking about the arrival at the Newark Airport in New Jersey close to New York City (NYC). I talked with the other Aupairs from Germany who were a lot younger than I was and I couldn’t wait to be in the county I was always longing for. As I said, I couldn’t sleep so I was awake when we prepared for landing. I was so surprised to see first the European company “IKEA” with the yellow letter on the blue ground. In the same way I was so excited that I would have almost cried to be in the land of my dreams. I was never so far west.
We landed, I didn’t see the Statue of Liberty how should I have, because it was the wrong direction; but I did see a lot of industry that was hiding out in the suburbs of NYC. There were smokestacks pointing to the sky, cranes reaching out their arms for work and everything was covered by the grey of metal. All over you could see the bridges and cars, which were making their way through the grey tinged suburbs towards the colors of NYC. The dualities of seeing the reality and my imaginary pictures of the land without boundaries made me feel uncomfortable. Like everyone I didn’t want to see the struggling working class. I only wanted to see the dreams, which were evoked by the media and I was shocked by the reality of the first time, which I saw with my own eyes now. But that is another story.
We were carried away by bus to the Aupair School on Long Island and we drove past the industry and the first shabby places of NYC. Even as we passed the brightly colored parts of the parts of NY I was still excited to see touristy NYC for the first time in my life. But for now we completed our first small highway journey to the Aupair School. We were not greeted nicely, and because we arrived a day later than expected we had to keep up with the others. That was hard but even harder was the food in this school. You can’t imagine eating only this American white bread, which is like chewing on bread without any nutrition and carbohydrates. After one week of preparation in vain, we were going to our families. Or rather, for me the preparation was in vain. I already knew how to handle kids and I thought that it was wasted time. But in hindsight it was good for one reason: it helped you to adjust step by step to the foreign language.
Jana and I remained together from the whole German group, which left Berlin together. We flew from JFK to Burlington International Airport with the smallest aircraft I had ever seen before. In the plane there were not more than 40 places and there was only one flight attendant. The flight took a long time because we weren’t so high in the sky. We were able to see the whole countryside beneath us. In sum, the flight took almost 2 hours. I looked out and couldn’t believe that I would live the following year in the greenest place I ever saw. As we landed, Jana’s family already met her and the mother wanted to be nice and asked me if she should stay and wait with me. I said no, because I could feel that she was only trying to be nice to another foreigner but in truth she didn’t want to wait. So I placed my only backpack somewhere on the first platform and waited for Ingrid, who I had never seen before. I was afraid I wouldn’t recognize her from the pictures. She came with her youngest, Silas, who was 2 and some months old, and picked me up. It was a weird feeling to be with a completely unknown person and Silas was too shy to say anything: he was only starring at me and didn’t know what to do. But at least I felt good with her: she seemed to be nice, she tried to talk to me, describing the landscape, which we were going through, but because of my lack of the language we mostly drove silently to the house. Up the hill, down the hill smelling the cows and knowing I was at the far end of the civilian world, nothing could give me a hint that could help to orientate me later. I only saw green, brownish or black and white spots. So I drove in the life that I would miss soon.
Meeting the house, the other family members and the new life
Ingrid introduced me to the family and the house. The boys, Eben and Silas, didn’t know what to do with me and I felt like a complete stranger. Later this year I would find out why they didn’t know what to do with me, and the reason wasn’t due to their age. The first day I met also my local coordinator from the Aupair Company and her Aupair. They were both nice. The girl, Nadine, came from the German East-Sea and she had been in Vermont since July. Unfortunately I can’t remember all details but I know that it took a long time until I saw both of them again.
The first two weeks Ingrid showed me everything, she introduced me to the small Middlebury, the household, and my duties and to the family members near by. I usually would have an eight to five day and I was introduced to Ingrid’s travel plans. She would leave from the 14th of October to the 29th. Eben’s Birthday was the 30th, so she has to be back this day. When they told me the plans I felt somewhat surprised. Ingrid told me during our first phone call that she wanted someone, who could be on her own because she already has more than one teenager. In the moment of the call I was happy that they would give me more responsibility, but I wasn’t prepared that they would give me that much responsibility after such a short time. Woody and I managed the weeks pretty well and I had the chance to get to know him a little bit. I liked him even if we didn’t talk that much. In my view he was the incarnation of an artist. Calm, in his own world and never having an extra minute but also kind and sensible and interested in many things. During the year we didn’t come closer than the first two weeks except for the vacation in Maine and finally when he brought me back to the airport the last day. But I did get closer to Ingrid and more importantly; I became more and more a part of the kids’ life. After the first meeting Silas was always a kind of shy guy but also so cute, and with Eben it was a whole other story. All the time the boys said that I should leave and my repeating reply was that I would go soon. But still during the summer we got as close as we could possibly be. We spent the whole day together: we had breakfast together; lunch, nap time and the afternoon. I enjoyed it but on the other hand I also was relieved when I was done with work. Both kids are the best and I’m so happy that I met them.
I established a private life during my stay and I was living like a normal person. Getting up the morning, going to work during the day and doing some stuff with friends in my spare time, in the evening. I planned from time to time some weekends and not to forget, I had every month an Aupair meeting. We always met somewhere special. We did some crafts, yoga, self-defense and the first meeting was on top of Mount Philo.
After the first two months I almost asked to switch the families but I stayed because I felt that this is only one more test for myself. Thanksgiving was the worst day of the whole year but after Christmas this year I found out why the kids had been so difficult and from this moment I understood more and more and I was happy that I stayed.
The winter was hard and long. I was sick more often than the kids. I got pretty close to Silas, and Eben and I became closer after the 26th of January. I know that date exactly because I marked it in my calendar. It was a big event for me that I had waited so long for. I always felt he had to make the decision, I never wanted to domineer his feelings, and he had to decide when he wanted me in his life. I always tried to give him as much warmth as I had for Silas but still there was the invisible border. But this day after the nightly reading session and before he felt asleep he hugged me and asked for a goodnight kiss. The relationship between both of us grew more and more even if there were still moments when he wanted only his mommy. But I figured out how to work with them and from month to month it got better.
During the whole year I had only two weeks of vacation. One week my mother and sister met me in NYC and we traveled a little bit. The second week I flew back to Germany to apply for my exams. This week is the first thing in my life I regret. I had never regretted any decision but this one I do. I should have done it like I planned in the fist place. But anyway in this way I also made experiences that I never would have imagined for me.
Back in Germany
The culture shock for me was more reverse. In Vermont I lived the life I always wanted. I worked, had fun and even met people I liked. I went to the movie theater, went hiking and swimming, went to birthday parties with the kids and shared a normal family life. The kids always came first; they were first in line and after them came family and friends. I realized how it would be to have children. You develop a sense of motherhood even if they are not your own children. You feel sad when they are sad, you feel happy when they are happy and even if you feel sometimes sad they have the ability to make you happy with only one smile. They gave me the first insight into a fulfilled life. I knew I wanted to have kids soon! Never I had wanted kids before. I was always afraid of the responsibility, but in VT I realized what children could give you. They can be the cherry on top of the cake. They make your life complete even if you’re not their birth mother.
I lived.
When I went back to Germany, I was depressed and didn’t know why. I felt, that I wanted to be back. I wanted a scheduled life again. I couldn’t get along with the people here. Everyone sounded stupid to me and I didn’t want to be surrounded by Germans, who only reminded me every minute that I was back. I was sick of my life now and I loved the 45 hour week life even thought it was harder. And the worst thing was, I couldn’t prepare for my final exams. I was unhappy and I tried everything to distract myself. Nothing helped. I was back in my student life. I had a schedule, I had things to do and besides, I desperately had to find a job. I missed everything and most of all I missed the kids. I knew they would grow. Silas grew during my year about 8 inches. And I felt that both of them got heavier and heavier. By now, almost a year later, they must be so different.
I suppose I had the culture shock in the different way. For me it was harder to readjust to Berlin than to arrive in America. Only one thing makes me happy now: I still have contact with them, kind of: I write postcards, send some Christmas and birthday presents and I will visit the family in one month. I hope that these weeks will be fine and that we can establish a different connection. I don’t want to loose them ever. After the year in Vermont one was proven right: if you treat young kids like normal adults they will be the best kids you could ever wish for. You have to respect their life and their feelings.
I could fill more than 10 pages with all the memories of the whole year and every moment could fill its own story. But here is not enough space right now. One last thing I have to say to all who want to go abroad; every step you will take in another world will make you richer and stronger than ever before. If you want to go abroad, you should take the chance, because you will regret it later if you’re not doing it.
