Is entering the thirties really such a big event. Some years ago I would have said “NO”, but today going to be thirty I start to wonder.
A really fast review:
Growing up, going to kindergarten and school, falling in love the very first time, passing high education, falling into relationships, graduating form university, falling in love a second time, entering a job which provides you with food and a roof above your head and since the last part of this short bio pic there is not much to add except for “working, working, working, never ending work”. Money, spending it, working, having fun, just a little, but having fun, working and when the weekends come around, wondering “That was is it?”
NO!
Starting to plan a second life, not through the internet, a real second life. What could I do with my degrees and my education and my experience? Re-discovering the pleasure of reading – but asking yourself, which books could appeal to you now, shall I read about nursing a child and finding the right person and for sure how to keep the new love alive - the fun of digging into sophisticated, scientific books with the hope of being on of them, writing these books. Slowly unsealing the long lasting wish being a professor.
OH! There we go!
Is that really the real desire? Or is it as much constructed as all the other desires human beings are longing for? Getting thirty puts you in the position to re-think or shall we say to re-evaluate what you have thought the last 10 years, and what you would like to have for your future life. What do you intend to be in the following 10 years and where will you be. As a woman you have to ask yourself “Do I want kids? Do I want to pursue my career? Or more in general, what do I really want for MY life?” Is that the midlife crises for women?
What do I want? Seems to be the most striking question within the months of being thirty. And the other questions which comes up is “What kind of possibilities do I have?”
There comes the education. Hm, I do have a good education, unfortunately it is not blessed with very good grades but I know I’m good.
There comes the desire to be a prof. Hm, I’m already teaching for, oh my god, already 3 years, seems short and long at the same time. Being a prof might work. Teaching suits me and I’m interested in studying, discovering new things and passing my knowledge to others. Discussing, having doubts and trying, still a little, to save the world.
Money!
That is the big problem. You can’t stop working because you need the money to survive. But if you work, you haven’t so much time or better no patients to work on your doctorate paper while your head is turning around due to the students you can’t understand, and with no time working on the ideas and finally the paper, you won’t develop the necessary paper and so you won’t have the possibilities to work as a prof. Here we start the little vicious circle of a professional life.
A short interruption to quote a health insurance worker with whom I talked concerning my health insurance payments. We know that the life as a graduate student in Germany isn’t so easy. But within our or any other insurance company you have quite no status. You earn money on your own, so you have to pay the insurance money as if you were a real self-employee. Even though we acknowledge that you are a student, we can’t give you special rights since the government isn’t putting it into law or at least on their agenda. You are a student and self employed, ergo you have to pay as all others self employees do. The only thing you might do, is marrying a man who is insured and afterward you could be insured under the family insurance law. I try to explain that I have not such a perspective and then in a very nice tone the agent said: Then, I’m sorry, but you have to pay 211 Euros per month. It was not my decision and if the law isn’t going to change you will have to pay the fee in consideration of you annual income. Shall we withdraw the money at once or do you wish to pay by installments?
To keep it short: Marrying with thirty might be a better solution!
But back to the question above. Entering the thirties is kind of an adventure that you haven’t planed on. But as a wise guy or women said: You have to face it.
So, I will try to be a good woman, following my dreams without starting to be pessimistic about my life ahead. Obstacles will be always there. They are actually the only thing that connects my whole life into one line and which holds my character together.
What do the other readers of wordpress out there think about turning thirty.
