Usually you are sure about certain terms. You know about the idea of our universe, you are aware of the society and their conditions that you live in, you are certain about your family and you definitely know about the notion “friend”. Do you have any doubts about these ideas? Recently I was asked what “amity” means to me and all of the sudden I wasn’t sure about anything anymore. I’ve been reflecting about the word and its meaning but I wasn’t able to find a solution. (…)
I’m wondering why I cannot find an answer. Maybe it is due to the intensity of going through this special calamity, which has surprised me not long ago, that my genuine idea of “friendship” was being destroyed. Honestly this question arose various times the last couple of days but to this day I cannot find a clear, satisfactory definition. Neither the former idea, which I thought to own, nor the new one, which is burgeoning, satisfies my search. To put it simply, it is hard to redefine “amity” after you’ve experienced this kind of crisis.
During the last months, and maybe years, you’ve noticed that life is changing remarkably and you’ve sensed something is going wrong. You try to protect yourself with the principle that “everything comes to an end some day” but deep inside your soul you’ve trusted this friendship once more in the hope of being never neglected by the conception of its own presence. Yes, indeed I’ve thought we could pass almost every hard time; I’ve always tried to be patient, pay attention to your worries and sorrows and most of all I’ve been trying to overcome your recurring jealousies. However, now I have to realize that this was maybe only a dream world as so many others, my efforts were in vain, since nothing could have been done to prevent us from this final blast.
At the moment, I’m waiting for a self-response for my own serenity but therefore I need to clarify my way and my ideas. In the very moment I ask myself “Will I ever be able to do so?” I’m afraid it won’t be easy and there are chances that it might be completely impossible. Too many things were said, unfortunately too late, too many lies had built up an impermeable wall that was finally being shacked by their own force, too many feelings were violated without a final explanation.
Might time heal these wounds?
