Silence – Stille

Die Stille befällt einen, wenn man nicht daran glaubt, dass sie anwesend ist, aber sie ist da, jetzt und hier. Man kann sie nicht mehr loswerden. Sie wächst in einem wie das Kind im Mutterleib. Sie bleibt da, bis man sie hinaus gestoßen hat. Doch im Gegensatz zu dem Kind, welches nach rund neun Monaten den Ausgang findet, bleibt sie manchmal für länger. Wie lange noch? Immer? Man weiß es nicht. Ist es die Ratlosigkeit, die dieser Stille Nahrung gibt oder ist es die Zeit, in der man lebt. Darf man sich fragen, weswegen man lebt. Sollte man nicht mit dem, was man hat – dem Leben – zufrieden sein? (…)

 

Nothing to say … nothing left

Since two weeks I’ve finished my exams and now I’m off all my study-duties and I feel a kind of good but at the same time I can sense something is wrong with me. It’s not due to the fact that I’ve finished, it is more or less the perspective of being free. But free for what? Am I free for my own choice? Do I have the opportunity to live like I want now? Or do I have to follow the way of so many other people that had to make this decision before? One thing is for real:  I’ve decided to wait another year for whatever will come. I’m not sure what will reach me but I will hopefully find out what I actually want for my life. It’s a weird feeling not to know exactly what one would like to do with his or her life. Since I’ve been 9 or 10 I have known what I wanted to achieve in my life and for sure all my dreams and aims changed with the surroundings and were reviewed. But now everything seems to be so useless. Nothing is left to do. Only the bearable thing called the JOB is helping to survive but should that be life until its final days? Is there nothing more than this? Is there anything one can do without feeling guilty for some reason? I mean are there ideas of life without living the life that supposed to be ours? (…)